Ottawa·First PersonFifty years ago, Laurie Fagan was in a nearby classroom during a school shooting at St. Pius X High School. Despite working alongside a fellow survivor at CBC for decades, the longtime reporter never really opened up about their shared experience. Now that she has, she realized she never had to feel alone as she did.I realized after opening up that I never had to feel as alone as I didLaurie Fagan · for CBC First Person · Posted: Nov 01, 2025 4:00 AM EDT | Last Updated: 2 hours agoListen to this articleEstimated 7 minutesLaurie Fagan, left, and Pierre Millette, both pictured in their St. Pius X yearbook photos from 1975, hadn’t really talked about the shooting at their school until recently. (Submitted by Laurie Fagan)This First Person article is the experience of Laurie Fagan, a former CBC Ottawa reporter who was a student at St. Pius X the day of a school shooting in 1975. For more information about CBC’s First Person stories, please see the FAQ. WARNING: This story discusses school violence, sexual assault and suicide.He killed two people, wounded several others and left the rest of us scarred with wounds hard to heal. I was 15 and in Grade 11, sitting in a nearby classroom. I remember the sound of broken glass, shouts of “shooter on the loose” and everyone running in panic, some with blood on their clothes. Fagan was in Grade 11 at St. Pius X when a shooter began firing into a nearby classroom. (Submitted by Laurie Fagan)The awful tragedy happened years ago — long over but not yet ended for me and so many others. This is the nature of trauma, I suppose: buried, but somehow still alive.In October 1975, Robert Poulin, an-18-year-old student, lured another student, 17-year-old Kim Rabot, to his basement bedroom where he raped and murdered her, then set his room on fire. He then packed a sawed-off shotgun into a duffle bag and rode his bicycle to his school, St. Pius X High School, on Fisher Avenue in Ottawa. Once there, he fired a number of shots in Classroom 71, his Grade 13 religion class — one of which would eventually kill 18-year-old Mark Hough, a month later. He then backed up into the hallway taking his own life with the same gun. Deadly school shootings in CanadaThis photo of St Pius was taken for the 1975-76 school yearbook. (Submitted by Jackson Shaw)The next day, the school administrator’s approach — viewed through my present-day eyes — was undeniably wrong. There was no school closure or an official period of mourning. Instead, there was a mass to comfort and remind us of the school’s motto: To establish all things in Christ. I felt numb but I wanted to be with my friends and classmates — hoping it would ease the heaviness of the trauma. Then classes proceeded, even in No. 71, which overnight had been partially patched and “disinfected” with a smell that lives with me today — perhaps the administration thought it could bleach away the horror. Sitting in that class, it was impossible not to imagine the gun blasts, screams of terror and the wounded bleeding. I remember my teacher, the much-admired Father Bedard. His complexion was grey, his speech forgivably incoherent given what he lived through the day before.Many students I later spoke to who were there that day regret that in the aftermath there was little, if any, opportunity to talk about our grief, anger and the muddle of feelings we had no name for. For me, it just remained stuck somewhere inside.What of our lives since then?Fagan covered a number of stories as a reporter over her years as a reporter for CBC, including the 50th anniversary of D-Day in France. (Submitted by Laurie Fagan)After graduation, I went on to report on Ottawa’s stories for decades at CBC News, where I worked alongside senior broadcast technologist, Pierre Millette. He was a survivor of that religion class. Only once in that time did we bring up the shooting. It was cursory so neither of us got upset. Yet, more recently, I learned the storehouse of haunting memories was there. Over the last six months, we’ve spoken about the shooting a dozen times — both of us sharing details we’d never spoken before to anyone. It was so long after the tragedy but I could finally vent my feelings with someone who wanted the same. Each time we spoke I felt a swell of relief. Now both retired, Fagan, right, worked alongside senior broadcast technologist Pierre Millette at CBC for decades, but she writes that it’s only recently that they’ve began to share memories of the school shooting at their former school. (Submitted by Laurie Fagan)Sitting almost behind the classroom door, Millette told me the barrel of the gun was about half a metre from his face. That left me chilled. When Poulin stopped firing, Millette recalled jumping from his desk and slamming the door. He also remembers smashing a classroom window so classmates could escape. I told Pierre my trauma wasn’t experiencing what he lived through but simply imagining it. And the “ifs” he had pondered about how it could have unfolded differently. Millette was sitting right beside Mark Hough when the bullets strayed by. He wasn’t hit but that doesn’t mean there was no harm. At first I was embarrassed to confess my unresolved memories to Millette. Especially when he told me he saw Poulin’s lifeless body in the hallway. No one should ever see such gore and I told Millette I was sorry he had.A few months after we began talking, I sensed Millette’s lingering pain ease. He connected with some classmates from his religion class, which led to beer meet-ups with old friends. They talked about the shooting, but also about the zany antics that go with Grade 13. This was the first time I could hear a lightness in his voice, reliving some of the joy of being a teenager. Fagan, seen here in a photo from 1984, covered stories for CBC Ottawa for over three decades. (Submitted by Laurie Fagan)Despite the grief, Fagan, right also holds onto happy memories from her school days, such as hanging out friends such as Mary-Ann (Dunlap) Panetta, who she’s still in touch with 50 years later. (Submitted by Laurie Fagan)And I, too, after all this began to feel less isolated about the shooting. That one day aside, I cherish my time at Pius. For years I had a lot of anger about the shooting’s aftermath — but blame now is pointless. Our teachers did what they thought was right in 1975 — clean up classroom 71, don’t bring up the shooting and move on.Earlier this year I tried connecting with those from that class that day. Most never returned my messages. Some told me they had no lingering effects. To this day, one injured student carries dozes of pellets in his body. Yet he prevailed, living what I see as a good, unhaunted life. Others carry deep trauma that still seeps with hurt. One told me of a mental breakdown. Others told me they always scanned university classrooms, looking for alternate exits. I feel such sadness for them and wonder if their pain will ever fade.One frequently visits Mark Hough’s grave. A legacy in all forms. To this day there is no plaque or quiet memorial to mark that dark day — but it’s not too late to rectify that. Today, I have discovered that saying unspoken things out loud is not just acknowledging a tragedy but maybe expelling the worst parts. We each harboured a quiet misery for 50 years, for a lifetime — only to discover we were never actually alone.If you or someone you know is struggling, here’s where to look for help:Canada’s Suicide Crisis Helpline: Call or text 988.Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868. Text 686868. Live chat counselling on the website.Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention: Find a 24-hour crisis centre.This guide from the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health outlines how to talk about suicide with someone you’re worried about.If you’re worried someone you know may be at risk of suicide, you should talk to them about it, says the Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention. Here are some warning signs: Suicidal thoughts.Substance use.Purposelessness.Anxiety.Feeling trapped.Hopelessness and helplessness.Withdrawal.Anger.Recklessness.Mood changes.Do you have a compelling personal story that can bring understanding or help others? We want to hear from you. Send your story ottawafirstperson@cbc.ca.ABOUT THE AUTHORLaurie Fagan is a national award-winning journalist who worked at CBC Ottawa for over 30 years.
50 years ago, there was a shooting at my school. My healing only began after I talked to survivors
