Manitoba·First PersonI’m by no means a deeply religious man, but I do feel the presence of what I like to think of as a spiritual life guide. It took some time, but God opened up my mind and allowed me to see how strong I really am.’Why don’t my legs or hands work? Why has God made me like this?’ Alex Lytwyn askedAlex Lytwyn · for CBC First Person · Posted: Nov 23, 2025 7:00 AM EST | Last Updated: 6 hours agoListen to this articleEstimated 4 minutesThe audio version of this article is generated by text-to-speech, a technology based on artificial intelligence.Alex Lytwyn says when he was younger, his life circumstances had him questioning the purpose of God. (Submitted by Alex Lytwyn)This First Person article is the experience of Alex Lytwyn, who lives with cerebral palsy and is a disability advocate, writer and small business owner of Willpower Media. For more information about CBC’s First Person stories, please see this FAQ.My cerebral palsy causes me to wake up with a stiff, sore neck. I slowly and painfully look up and say, “Why should I worship you, God?”Another Sunday is upon us, and it’s time to attend church.Mom has to help me with the morning routine, as I cannot physically do what needs to be done. I look at my brothers, who’ve gotten themselves dressed and are now playing together, and then eating breakfast and watching my parents get their own breakfast, while I have to be fed.It’s a confusing and hurtful feeling. It really makes me question life: “Why don’t my legs or hands work? Why has God made me like this?” If a greater power had some sort of plan for me, I could not see it.- Alex LytwynArriving at the church only intensifies my feelings of anger and emptiness.There’s a flight of stairs leading into the church. Due to the fact that the Holy Father (whatever he or it is) has not allowed me to walk, I must be carried up the stairs in my wheelchair. During the process, I can feel all eyes looking in my direction and feelings of sorrow flooding toward me. The thought “Don’t feel sorry for me. Just let me disappear into darkness” enters my mind.As part of the service, we’re asked to stand up for a prayer. My dad picks me up out of my chair and I stand there, supporting some of my weight. After a few seconds, my knees begin to tremble, and I collapse in my father’s arms.Feeling like a puppet as somebody tugs on the strings, my disgruntlement continues. All God has done is fill me and my parents’ lives with hardships, pain and anger.It’s hard to admire a higher power, when I feel like their personal version of a joke. I drool, I speak oddly, and for the rest of my life, I’ll have to depend on other people.I’m by no means a deeply religious man. However, I do feel the presence of what I like to think of as a spiritual life guide.When I was young, it was difficult for me to know what or who was causing my resentment toward life.If a greater power had some sort of plan for me, I could not see it. I was hurt by the lack of progress and ability to live life.My life circumstances had me questioning the purpose of God; what goodness has He provided me with?Surely, there are other people who feel this way. What about the person who’s a homeless alcoholic, who has lost everything? How has God enriched their lives? Or what about the mother who just lost her twins during birth?Why should we worship and have faith in God, when power only seems to bring on death and pain, when it seems to be on the top of their “to do” list? Today, my life is full of helping others.- Alex LytwynPeople would tell me “He’s God, and we owe Him our lives and should be thankful to Him no matter how hard life gets.”Well, it took some time, but eventually, God opened up my mind and allowed me to see how strong I really am. Today, my life is full of helping others. I’ve accepted this. I have the ability to improve society. This may look and sound different, but God has showed me how to be proud of myself. Yes, God has presented me with some big brick walls to break through, but by breaking them down, I have expressed my soul and found my true being.With every breath God has provided me with, my soul feels enhanced, to the point where anything is possible. Some days it feels like I’ve been put through hell. But this makes my soul alive and well, transforming me into a capable person!ABOUT THE AUTHORAlex Lytwyn is a disability advocate, writer and small business owner of Willpower Media. Alex believes that “you need to be who you are and not who society wants you to be.”
I questioned my faith because of the way I was made until I realized how strong I really am
