With all the diets out there it’s hard to tell what will land on your plate next.Article contentIt would be easy to be on a diet, pretty much of any kind, if we had no friends or family and never went anywhere. But it seems as soon as you resolve to eat no more meat, sweets, carbs, or gluten, the phone rings. It’s somebody’s birthday, a potluck, somebody’s home from away, somebody died.THIS CONTENT IS RESERVED FOR SUBSCRIBERS ONLY.Subscribe now to access this story and more:Unlimited access to the website and appExclusive access to premium content, newsletters and podcastsFull access to the e-Edition app, an electronic replica of the print edition that you can share, download and comment onEnjoy insights and behind-the-scenes analysis from our award-winning journalistsSupport local journalists and the next generation of journalistsSUBSCRIBE TO UNLOCK MORE ARTICLES.Subscribe or sign in to your account to continue your reading experience.Unlimited access to the website and appExclusive access to premium content, newsletters and podcastsFull access to the e-Edition app, an electronic replica of the print edition that you can share, download and comment onEnjoy insights and behind-the-scenes analysis from our award-winning journalistsSupport local journalists and the next generation of journalistsRegister to unlock more articles.Create an account or sign in to continue your reading experience.Access additional stories every monthShare your thoughts and join the conversation in our commenting communityGet email updates from your favourite authorsSign In or Create an AccountorArticle contentAnd the next thing, you’re stuffing your gob with birthday cake. Oh my God, I love grocery store birthday cake icing. Cut me a corner slice and I’m like a heroin addict. Scraping the inside of the cakebox. Praying somebody will refuse the big red icing flower, the candle just dripped in, and give it to me.Article contentArticle contentArticle contentOr you are packing away asparagus and cream cheese sandwiches, date squares, rocky road squares, trifle, and blueberry crumble.Article contentAnd swearing you’re going back on the diet first thing tomorrow.Article contentAnd well, since it’s tomorrow, you may as well hoe into that bag of ripple chips and helluva dip and watch a couple more episodes of ‘Vera’ on Britbox.Article contentAnd nobody agrees on what kind of diet to be on. You need to hire a chess master to sit down and plan supper: three, four different kinds of spaghetti, a white and a whole wheat pasta and a zucchini spaghetti. That’s easy enough, until you hit the sauce: one mushrooms, one no mushrooms; one garlic, one no garlic; mushrooms but no garlic; garlic and onions but no mushrooms; garlic, onions, mushrooms, but no oregano. No oregano, how many times do I have to tell you!Article contentThere’s a lot of diets out there: gluten, vegan, vegetarian, paleo, keto, detox, raw, diabetic, flexitarian.Article contentArticle contentAnd there’s the needle diet. I think the jury is still out on that one. That one’s kind of like riding an e-bike. You keep telling yourself it’s not cheating. I have an e-bike. It’s for sale. It’s like new and makes me wild to know I’ll never get what back what it’s worth.Article contentI never went on a pure meat diet, but I heard people lose a lot of weight. They might die of scurvy, but.Article contentI went vegan, and then eased up and went vegetarian, where I could at least have eggs and butter, but I’m weak. AlI I could think of was meat. And, ordinarily, I don’t even eat that much, well, red meat.Article contentMostly, I’m on the whole foods diet, or the Mediterranean diet, sorry lifestyle. But I’ve lost weight too, and this time evenly. No gaunt look this time. No fish lips and sunken cheeks. No dizzy spells, hanging onto a bin of turnips at No Frills to stay upright.Article contentThey did away with the coal diet, I guess.
LOOSE CHANGE: On a diet? Good luck with that
