New BrunswickWhen you suspect a friend or loved one may be thinking about suicide, the stakes in finding the right things to say and do can feel enormous. Mental health group’s program addresses how to notice, talk, listen and helpJennifer Sweet · CBC News · Posted: Sep 11, 2025 5:00 AM EDT | Last Updated: 3 hours agoDustin Day teaches a course called Safe Talk, aimed at helping people have a conversation with someone they believe might be contemplating suicide. (Submitted by Jennifer Sweet)When you suspect a friend or loved one may be thinking about suicide, the stakes in finding the right things to say and do can feel enormous. A lot of difficulty comes from being uncomfortable and not knowing how to offer support, said Dustin Day, manager of education and training for the Canadian Mental Health Association in New Brunswick.Day teaches a course called Safe Talk, designed to address those obstacles. The program was launched in Ontario in 2005 and is now offered all over the world. “We want to help people and we want to get the rest of the population to a point where they’re able to recognize those signs and be comfortable talking about it,” he said.Day got into this field after his cousin died in 2018. He subsequently wanted to learn more about suicide, work to prevent it and support his friends and family. People are often reluctant to raise the topic of suicide, he said.They may be unsure whether their loved one is actually contemplating it and nervous about how they’d respond if questioned.”We don’t want to scare someone or put the idea of suicide in their head,” Day said.Thoughts of suicide are not uncommon, he said.Fairly steady numbersAnd based on the most recent New Brunswick coroner’s report, there were 125 deaths by suicide in the province in 2023, he said. The numbers increased from about 115 before the pandemic, he said. Over the longer term, provincial suicide statistics have been fairly steady. Suicide is generally believed to be underreported, said Day, because the intentions of the deceased aren’t always clear.There’s usually some kind of warning sign, but it’s not always recognized.The person with thoughts of suicide is probably not going to tell you directly, said Day.They could be feeling overwhelmed and worry that if they tell someone their entire life will be upended. They might fear the person they tell will be angry or judgmental or have some other negative reaction that would make things worse, he said. “It’s more often that they’re going to leave little hints or things for you to pick up on,” said Day.Be aware of behaviour changesThese vary by person, he said, but some common ones include behaviour changes, such as talking about death more often, complaining, being in a down mood, taking risks, caring less about appearance and losing interest in former passions.Certain situations can be triggers, he said, such as a high-stress job, the recent loss of a loved one or a health diagnosis. Depression, sadness and grief are normal parts of the human experience, Day said.A good way to start the discussion about whether suicide has entered the realm of possibility is by offering your observations.For instance, you could say something like: “I’ve noticed that you’ve been drinking a lot more. I’ve noticed that you’ve been isolating yourself and not coming out of your room or you’ve haven’t been coming and hanging out at lunch hour with us at work. … Can you tell me more about why that is or what’s going on right now that might be causing those things?”Depending on the answer, Day suggested a good, direct followup question could be something like, “‘Well, when these things are going on, many people have thoughts of suicide. Are you having thoughts of suicide?'”So you’re not just asking like out of the blue. It’s giving a reason for why you’re asking, but showing that you care enough to ask that question”As the caregiver, it’s important to be direct, to identify yourself as someone they can talk to.”For the person who’s thinking of suicide, they really have a lot of pain and hurt going on that they want to be able to voice and to share and to get out of their head,” Day said.”They don’t want to die. What they want is for the pain and the hurt that they’re experiencing to to stop.”Let the person talkDay tells caregivers to resist the urge to jump in and try to fix things or tell the person they should do this or that. “The art of listening is just sitting,” he said. “We need to have people that we can just share and talk with and not have that judgment.””Your role is not to be their counsellor. It’s not to be their their saviour. It’s not to be the person that comes in and takes away all the thoughts of suicide and fixes all the problems.”The course uses the acronym TALK to teaches the aforementioned steps: Tell the person about the indications you’ve noticed. A: Ask them whether they are thinking about suicide. L: Listen to them and try to understand their pain. K: Keep safe by connecting them to resources or supports that could help them in the long run. Places to find helpSome of these include the national suicide help line, accessible by calling 988 and the Kids Help Phone at 1-800-668-6868.There’s also a New Brunswick Mental Health helpline and local mental health clinics that offer one-time appointments within a day or two. The Canadian Mental Health Association offers the Safe Talk course several times a year. About a dozen people took the course in Woodstock on Wednesday, which was World Suicide Prevention Day. Ebony Wade, co-chair of the Woodstock Suicide Prevention Committee, works for CMHA doing peer support and helped organize the Safe Talk session.”We just want to do everything we can to educate the general public on recognizing the signs of suicide and how to connect people with the support they need.”Anyone can have thoughts of suicide, she said. “A lot of us go about our day thinking we don’t think about suicide personally, so we don’t expect the people around us to.”Some of the signs are surprising, she said, such as a sudden change to what seems like a happier mood after a long period of being down or depressed.”The goal is to have people be comfortable talking openly and honestly,” said Wade.ABOUT THE AUTHORJennifer Sweet has been telling the stories of New Brunswickers for over 20 years. She is originally from Bathurst, got her journalism degree from Carleton University and is based in Fredericton. She can be reached at 451-4176 or jennifer.sweet@cbc.ca.
Recognizing the signs that someone is thinking of suicide and what to do
