Article contentRather, anxiety, just like all our emotions, serves a purpose in helping us survive and thrive.Article contentAnxiety is an emotion that can help protect us from real dangers in life and plan for the future. And it can cue us into knowing when something really matters in life.Article content“So, when anxiety shows up, instead of trying to push it away, another option is to really listen to what anxiety is telling us about what is important to us in life — developing and maintaining good social relationships, doing good work in our jobs and at school, and then leaning into doing what matters to us in life, even if it means feeling some discomfort along the way,” she says.Article content Take gradual steps towards approaching feared social situations. UnsplashArticle contentWhere to start?Article contentLearning to tolerate social situations, so that you begin to live the kind of life you want to live rather than letting anxiety call the shots, begins by gradually approaching feared social situations.Article contentBell says the goal isn’t to avoid feeling anxious in social situations or to prevent or avoid experiences of rejection, embarrassment, or negative evaluation by others.Article contentArticle contentInstead, the goal is to learn how to get better at feeling and tolerating discomfort in social situations, including situations where you might be rejected or negatively evaluated, and to begin engaging in life in a way that is important to you, even if it means having to take risks of being judged, rejected, or embarrassed.Article contentTo begin approaching socially anxious situations, she says, ask yourself what you’re willing to do to live the kind of life you want to live, even if it means having to feel some anxiety or risk embarrassment, rejection, or negative evaluation. She also suggests taking gradual steps towards approaching your feared situations.Article contentFor example, if you’re a student experiencing anxiety about classroom presentations, maybe you’re not willing yet to give a 20-minute presentation in front of an auditorium full of people. So, what are you willing to do that moves you in this direction? Maybe it starts by giving a five-minute presentation in front of your professor and a couple of classmates; then moving to giving a five-minute presentation to a class of 20 students plus your professor; and then, over time, increasing the length of the presentation and the size of the audience.Article contentArticle contentKeep in mind that the goal in these exercises isn’t to deliver the speech perfectly or without feeling anxious, to be positively evaluated, or to avoid embarrassment — much of that is outside of your ability to control, she notes. Instead, focus on goals that are behaviourally specific and doable. For example, “My goal is to give a five-minute presentation to an audience of five people and to look up at the audience at least two times during the presentation.” Then, afterwards, give yourself credit for what you did do.Article contentTop tips for working through anxietyArticle contentBell offers a few top tips for working through anxious situations.Article content· Take gradual steps towards approaching feared social situations. Ask yourself what you’re willing to do to move towards living the kind of life that you want to live, even if it means bringing anxiety along for the ride.Article content· Set behaviourally specific goals that are within your control.Article content· Sometimes people will engage in superstitious-like behaviours, called safety behaviours, that they believe help protect them from bad things happening when they have to approach an anxiety-provoking situation. This could be carrying a special gem in their pocket, using notecards, looking at the floor, crossing their arms, or bringing a safety person. The problem with safety behaviours is that they might be given false credit for protecting against a bad thing happening, when in reality, maybe the bad thing wouldn’t have happened even if they weren’t using the safety behaviours. And, because of this, safety behaviours can sometimes maintain or even strengthen anxiety in social situations over time. As such, it is important to become aware of your safety behaviours and then make an intentional choice not to do them when approaching anxiety-provoking situations.
How to deal with social anxiety
